Author: concrete
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A friend of mine always said that his band's first released album would be called their Greatest Hits and they'd work backwards from there. Well now I'm stealing the idea, because I'm bigger than him. I honestly don't feel like writing about UT at the moment so I'm just gonna spit out a little of everything. And you'll read it and enjoy it, or I'll send a swarm of rabid Jaguar and/or Virtual Boy owners after you.
Finally, you can turn those hours of videogame practice into something constructive... or, not...
Well they've finally done it. Foster-Miller Research has just finished their military project to design a special armored robot that's completely remote. The twist? It comes armed with a machine gun. That's right-- a machine gun.
The BBC reported on this here, and I'm sure if you dig a little you'll find a million other places with various crazy angles on this. I won't quote much because you can read the article yourself if you want, but in summary:
"The robot fighter has been named Swords, after the acronym for Special Weapons Observation Reconnaissance Detection Systems."
"Mr Quinn says there are plans to replace the computer screen, joysticks and keypad in the remote-control unit with a Gameboy-style controller and virtual-reality goggles."
Fearless prediction #1: insurgent tactics will switch from guerilla warfare to simply sneaking up behind the robots , and if that fails, waiting until the batteries run out.
Fearless prediction #2: super-classified military project to develop T-1000 style version of remote controlled armed robot is already under way. Code name for the project: Liquid Swords. The RZA could not be reached for comment.
Fearless prediction #3: once this technology spreads, Germany and Netherlands to become the next military super powers, until first wave of aim-bots rolls out.
Protium irc servers pouring out their 40s?
For anyone who doesn't idle on protium's irc server, the "Osiris" irc server has been mysteriously and frequently going down. Speculation has this somehow being connected with the recent and tragic death of beloved rapper ODB. Coincidence? or the machines merely paying their respects? Your guess is as good as mine...
In other hip hop news
I told you I was hitting random topics...
PackFM and Tonedeff of QN5 Music have put out the best track of the year thus far with their song Basix. We'll see if any one can top them.
Fearless prediction #4: QN5, much like Wordsworth, Last Emperor, and C Rayz Walz last year, will be slept on.
Back-packing hyper-activist metrosexual hippie college emo punching bags get served
Okay so for the past few months there's been lots of the above running around protesting Taco Bell like nothing else. First they wanted them off campus, now they want them out of the city altogether. Evidently, "Taco Bell" (I'll explain the quotations later) buys the majority of its tomatoes from companies that apparently hold their workers in "slave-like" conditions.
So yea, people protest like pansies, write into the newspaper pretending to know what's up, etc etc...
Well that was fine and dandy until the CEO of the owner of the Taco Bell franchises in the region writes in to the local paper to respond to the allegations publicly.
Apparently, the parent company of Taco Bell, Yum Brands, sometimes buys some of its tomatoes from a certain packing company that has been alleged to mistreat its workers. Somewhere in some hippie laboratory deep under the earth's crust someone probably stumbled across this and sent hordes of flying monkeys out on this crusade. Of course, what the hippies didn't bother to note was that not a single one of the Taco Bells in the Austin area even purchase tomatoes from this company. He went on to point out that Taco Bell as a whole buys like 1% of the tomatoes from said company, effectively showing how Taco Bell as a company holds essentially no influence over the alleged conditions. They've even offered to send money to up the pay of the farm workers, but it was refused by the workers' union.
Interestingly, I haven't seen a single letter in the paper about the issue since that letter was published. Perhaps the evil flying hippies are busy cooking up some other scheme. So once again the world is safe... but... for how long?
Fearless prediction #5: the next wave of discrimination lawsuits will come from short people.
You realize tall people on average make more money than short people? THERE'S NOT EVEN A WORD TO DESCRIBE THAT TYPE OF DISCRIMINATION! So let's make one up! Verticism. There, now we have a word, you guys know what to do next. Just remember: average-height people like me aren't the enemy; those tall jerks stealing your jobs and promotions are. It's time to get even with those greedy talls who have had everything handed to them their whole lives. They don't know what it's like to be short, to have your feet dangle when you use the handicapped stall, to be forced to rely on a compass when walking through a crowd.
Good time for cartoon fans
Ren & Stimpy collection, Aqua Teen Hunger Force season 3, Sealab season 2... it's truly a golden age for cartoon DVD fans. The R&S has only been in the waiting for oh, 10 years or so. I can remember seeing a petition for it online back when I first got a PC. I don't know how they pulled it off politically, but it's there and that's all that matters. Hearing John K and crew make fun of Nickelodeon in the audio commentary is worth the price alone.
ATHF 3's highlight (aside from the episodes themselves of course) has to be its inclusion of voice mail recordings. Carl, Frylock, Meatwad, Shake, and even the mooninites have some bits you can place in your voice mail greeting and as Carl would say they're frikkin awesome. I'm rockin the Mooninites one personally. Can't beat the ending "and we're comin drunk! in the night. sweatin beer!"
Sealab 2 has the Bizarro episode. Seriously, nuff said.
Okay I'm tired so that's all I'm typing.
don't you mean, BEEZARRO TYPING!
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